Thinking about the journey to the priesthood can seem mysterious, but what if we compared it to something more familiar, like dating? As Father Joshua Nevitt, Associate Director of Vocations for the Diocese of Camden, suggests on the latest episode of the Talking Catholic Podcast, understanding the seminary process through the lens of dating highlights the roles of mutual interest, ongoing discernment, and the Church’s participation.

The Initial Spark

Remember seeing someone across the room and feeling an initial attraction? That’s often how dating starts. Similarly, a man might feel drawn to the priesthood – perhaps inspired by a priest, moved during prayer, or feeling a pull in his heart. But, as Father Nevitt points out from a guy’s perspective in dating, “she’s got to like you, too.” Just feeling an attraction isn’t enough for a relationship to begin.

Likewise, an initial feeling or interest in the priesthood is just the start. The Church must also see potential and express interest. Not every man who feels drawn to the priesthood is invited to formally begin the process. The Church, like the other person in a potential relationship, plays a role from the very beginning. This initial phase involves prayer, conversation with your pastor, and finally reaching out to the Vocation Director. You can learn more about these first steps on the Diocese of Camden’s Vocations page or the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) Vocations page.

Asking the Question

In dating, after mutual interest is established, things progress to going on dates and possibly becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. This is a time of getting to know each other more seriously. Applying to seminary is a similar step. It’s a formal way of saying, “I’m serious about exploring this,” but it requires the Church’s formal acceptance, too.

Father Nevitt emphasizes that “just because someone feels like they might be called to the priesthood, it is not necessarily a call from God. It comes both from the man’s own discernment and the Church’s discernment of them.” The application process involves background checks, interviews, and evaluations. The Church discerns if the man shows the necessary qualities and potential for priestly life, just as individuals discern compatibility in dating. Sometimes, the Church may deny an applicant, recognizing it may not be the right fit, similar to realizing a dating relationship isn’t meant to be.

The ‘Getting Serious’ Stage

Think of college seminary more like dating and major seminary more like engagement. In dating, engagement is a time of preparation for marriage. Similarly, seminary is a period of formation: human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral. The seminarian is learning, growing, and continually discerning if this path truly leads to ordination.

It’s not just about academics; it’s about shaping the whole person for service to God and His people. The seminarian grows in his relationship with Christ and learns the practicalities of ministry, while the Church, through seminary formators and bishops, continues to evaluate his suitability. This mutual discernment continues right up until ordination, ensuring the man is prepared and freely consents, and the Church confirms his calling.

The Lifelong Commitment

Finally, we arrive at the altar. Both marriage and ordination are sacraments. The wedding day isn’t the end of the relationship but the beginning of married life. Likewise, ordination isn’t the end of formation but the beginning of priestly ministry.

Just as a marriage requires the free consent of both spouses, ordination requires the free commitment of the man and the acceptance by the Church through the Bishop. It’s the culmination of that long dating and engagement process. The mutual “I do” built on years of prayer, growth, and discernment. Both are vocations requiring love, sacrifice, and a reliance on God’s grace. Learn more about the Sacrament of Holy Orders in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Conclusion

Hopefully, viewing the seminary journey through the lens of dating and marriage helps demystify the process. As Father Nevitt highlights, it’s not just about an individual’s feeling, but a mutual relationship involving discernment from both the man and the Church. From the initial spark of interest, through the “getting serious” stages of application and formation, to the final commitment of ordination, it’s a journey of discovery leading to a lifelong vow.